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Unkle Munky Pg 87
Sunky would like to make it clear that the Munky’s primitive opinions are not necessarily a reflection of his own… primitive opinions. *Munky is also available here... ---- This week Munky still believes that the end is nigh… *Click here to play... *Videos prone to removal. ---- A Public Information Advertisement. Unkle Munky says -''' Ahem. So how is your Gran, Mary? ''Homeless, shaken and terribly singed! How do you think she fuckin’ is!?'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Well, if there’s anything I can do…? ''Mary replies - I think you’ve done more than enough, you useless good for nothing banana muching cretin!'' ---- Further Advent Calendar Complaints... Ref. Yet more advent calendar complaints. ''Dear Unkle Munky, Yet again I have been inundated with complaints about your vastlly overpriced 2007 advent calendar. It is with some trepidation that I must now enquire as to why you deemed it nessasary to include a picture of the late Rod Hull behind door number sixteen?'' 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear Ms. Motion Sickness, I am constantly amazed by the ignorance shown by not only yourself, but also by a small cross section of the British buying public. Surely everyone knows that the little baby Jesus was the son of Rod!? ---- The Banal Brothers… 'Unkle Munky asks -' Have we managed to secure a better sponsor for this ‘feature’ yet, Ms. Motion Sickness? ''Not yet Munky. Durex were interested at one point, but they pulled out at the last minute.'' 'Unkle Munky says -' That’s not like Durex? ---- Celebrity Yuletide Greetings. 'Unkle Munky says -' Wow. Thanks Nicole. Happy Xmas to you too! ''Ms. Motion Sickness adds - Oh fer fuck's sake...'' ---- Bungle's Barely News. This week: Bungle the bear barely gets to grips with ‘The alleged Britney Spears Drug testing’ news story… 'Unkle Munky says -' Take no notice Bungle. She’s trouble that one. ---- Terry from Ipswich asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that a Guinness a day is good for you? 'Unkle Munky says -' I love you Terry. ''Sometimes, Unkle Munky, you research these queries far too thoroughly. Might I suggest that you finish early today?'' 'Unkle Munky slurs -' I think… I think you’re wonderful, Mary. I really, really do. ---- Rogue Minogue. 'Unkle Munky says -' Thanks Kylie. That’s great advice. ---- '''Munky’s Advent Calendar… Ms. Motion Sickness (Munky’s assistant) Says - Go on then Munky, what’s that got to do with Xmas? Unkle Munky says -''' Well it’s obviously the three wise hens isn’t it!? Are you being intentionally thick or what Mary? ---- Maroon Cock. Debbie from Suffolk asks - Dear Unkle Munky, Is it true that Adam Levine of ‘Maroon 5′ fame was born in the year of the Cock? Unkle Munky says - Dear Debbie, I have consulted my Phil Collins book of cocks and can confirm that said toss pot was indeed born under the sign of which you speak. ---- A Complaint. John from Hull asks - Dear Unkle Munky, I must raise issue with the ‘advice’ given by your consumer correspondent, Ms. Rogue Minogue. Thanks to that useless air-head I am now in the undesirable position of having to cope with three excitable children over the yuletide season. My wife’s coma has been verified by professional personnel as being of a fraudulent nature. I can only assume that you will be issuing said employee with a written warning! 'Unkle Munky says -' Dear John, I apologise sincerely for any upset that Ms. Minogue’s advice may have caused. I will be issuing said Rogue with a formal warning just as soon as she wakes from her Xmas induced coma. And now, if you do not mind, I have a turkey to pluck. Good day! ---- '''Munky’s Advent Calendar… I know I’m going to regret this… but what the fuck has 80’s pop sensation, Nick Kershaw, got to do with Xmas? Unkle Munky says -''' Well isn’t it obvious? He later went on to become Saint Nick, the patron saint of presents. ''Ms. Motion Sickness adds - I give up.' ---- The Final Word. Today’s final word goes to Breakfast TV’s very own Ms. Lorraine Kelly… ---- Unkle Munky is also available here... ---- Next... Previous... The Diary of a Munky... Return to Munky Menu...